My DH is getting a new plane and is counting the weeks until he can sit in front of a control panel lit up with a mass of complex, digitally displayed numbers. With a tap of his finger Climate Control will control the temperature of the cockpit so that it is perfectly suited to his needs. He can’t wait to get his new plane. Plane …? Did I say plane? I meant car – he’s getting a new car.
I’m not to blame for this confusion; it’s the fault of the car-makers and their odd use of language. Car parts now have different names; the front of the car is now the Cockpit, air-conditioning is Climate Control and the dashboard has become the Control Display. You get the picture – potential purchasers are encouraged to see themselves as men (usually men) on a mission, piloting (not driving) their equivalent of a space-ship; they will be in command of the SS Enterprise of the Roads, and my DH will be the Cumbrian version of Captain Kirk.
What a shame that I do not share in this fabulous version of what is to come. I shall not sit beside him as his version of Lootenant Uhura, bolding-going on exciting warp-driven journeys up and down the M6.
I see cars as bigger versions of biscuit tins with wheels at each corner that will get me from A-B, and Y-Z. I never give them names, never know their numbers, and have to stop and think to remember the make of the one I own at the moment; in a terribly gender-stereotypical way what interests me most is the colour of the outside.
I change my car if it is very old or needs new parts that will cost more than the vehicle is worth. After that I consult an expert, aka, my son, a true petrol-head who loves driving and has owned 20 cars in the same number of years. He gets hours of pleasure researching the sort of car I should have which means that I don’t have the bother of investigating something I find boring.
My DH was once the same as his son, but family, responsibility and age have dimmed his passion for the motor car, so that after lengthy deliberations he has decided to buy one … exactly like the one he already has!
